The prompt is:
… the orange one spoke first… Now your writing doesn’t have to be about anything supernatural or anything to do with 31st October, but if you have a spooky story in your head then….!
26 Comments
Emma
11/4/2019 06:14:44 pm
I glared out my window to see three mysterious and peculiar pumpkins. How did they get there I thought full of mystery . One was as white as snow , another was as black as coal and finally one was a neon orange that was so bright it almost blinded your eyes.the orange one spoke first. “Where are we know we have been past cities, towns and acres of farmland in our truck, he mumbled grumpily. I froze was I haunted or was I just having creepy vision. Then the pure white one screeched” Anyone there?”
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:51:47 pm
Nice writing Emma. See if you can use dashes to improve the impact on your reader instead of commas.
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Mackenzie
11/6/2019 03:59:35 pm
once upon a time there lived a young girl Christina who was taking a pleasant stroll in the forest not knowing she would bump into anything magical. All of a sudden she caught a glimpse of a green hat sticking out of the bush in peripheral vision. She went to go have a look when about 5 gnomes jumped out at her each wearing different coloured hats. There was orange, Red, Green, Pink and blue. The orange spoke first and welcomed her into their home.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:52:57 pm
Some nice vocabulary choices Mack! Well done. Remember if you are talking about more than one thing to use 'were' rather than was.
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Milo
11/7/2019 04:55:37 pm
Once upon a time, in a deep dark woods there lived a wildlife resident who lived in a massive jungle tree that must have been atleast 100 years old that he had lived in for his whole entire life with the same old boring tree house. But one night he was normaly hunting for wild bunny's he hear a sssssccccrrraaaacccchhhhh!!!!! it was a metal pole being scraped on a blazeing red burning metal pole and then he found his family.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:53:58 pm
I like the scratch a lot! Try to vary your sentence lengths for impact on the reader. These are quite long sentences.
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Ruby
11/7/2019 05:27:21 pm
The orange one spoke first. He launched himself towards me. “Pick me, pick me!” I could hear it say. This thing was small, round and brightly coloured. Plop! “Ow!” I heard the thing screech, as it landed by my feet.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:54:52 pm
Nicely written Ruby and some good vocabulary choices. Try to vary your sentence openers for more interest from the reader.
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Joe
11/7/2019 06:12:11 pm
One spooky autumnal night, after the whole family had fallen asleep something was stirring in the kitchen. All that could be heard was the slight humming of the refrigerator but over on the windowsill there was an orange green glow, the actual fruit bowl was alive...
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:04:18 pm
Your writing is really effective here Joe! It is very funny and I like the ending! Although I was imagining they would have been made in to a fruit smoothie!
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Mattie
11/7/2019 08:25:23 pm
Last year on a spooky Halloween, I went trick or treating and I saw 6 ginger bread pumpkins all different colours of the rainbow and the orange one spoke first - like literally spoke and this is what it said “if you get me it will send a bad message like you being turned into some poisonous liquid . So I decided to stay away from that one . 6 weeks later I saw some mysterious pumpkins one as black as coal and one bright orange and one pink as ever and can you guess Which one spoke first?
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:06:25 pm
I like the way you've started this Mattie - well done. Remember to close your speech marks when your character finishes talking!
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Flora
11/8/2019 07:01:44 pm
Little Red Riding Hood was walking back from her grandma’s house; she had some good news to tell her mother at home. She skipped along humming happily to herself then she heard a rustling sound in the hedge. “Go away you filthy beast.” she said expecting another wolf. Instead out popped 1, 2, 3 tiny little elves. Each one had a big hat and a jacket with 4 buttons. The orange one spoke first, “We are not another wolf if that’s what you mean?” Little Red Riding Hood’s cheeks were going red. The green and blue elves looked at each other before looking at her. “How did you know about that?” said Little Red Riding Hood confused.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:08:47 pm
Well done on the advance punctuation Flora; I like your ambition! Keep it up!
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Adam
11/9/2019 11:24:49 am
One mysterious night a boy saw three coloured evil pumkins with sweats in a basket like they were going trick of treating . The pumkins were coloured yellow red and orange . The boy suddenly saw out of his little blue eyes that the pumkins were moving ! He got out of his soft tiny bed and out of his murky brown house door . When he followed the fat pumkins they knocked on a door,the house they were at was called vampire street ghost lane and door number 100 when the man opened the door the orange one spoke first ...
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:11:11 pm
Moving pumpkins...quite scary! Try to use commas to break your sentences down in to smaller clauses.
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Joshua Dodd
11/10/2019 09:30:40 am
If you think about them, vegetables are everywhere literally EVERYWHERE and every time you see them you think yuck [well most children do] and your parents say they're going to get revenge it isn't true, but this is a story about it.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:02:21 pm
Josh, this is brilliant. A very original idea and you've created a very vivid picture in my mind. Try checking your writing after - the final sentence is a bit tricky to understand for me. You wouldn't want it any longer either!
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Liliah
11/10/2019 10:42:33 am
The alians watched as the rocket - dodging a few cows - soared through the milky way. The orange one spoke first; "what iz dis? Wat iz dis?" As you can tell, they would get a right old telling off by Mr. Tomkins as there grammer was... unique. "H-ee-lll-ooooowa, l c-oo-mmm-e l-nn th-th-thaa p-ee-aa-ccccca" shouted Neal Armstrong, not knowing what language these alian-creatures speak. "Seizzz him!" the green one screeched. "Mmoollaarr wwaayy hhaarr!" cried the blue one as the all piled on top of the rocket...
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 06:00:02 pm
Would I tell anyone off?! This did make me laugh! Well done Liliah, I really like the way you've written the speech using dialect or phonetically!
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Charlie Dodd
11/10/2019 02:41:47 pm
In a far, far away land. There were 6 elves. One was red, one was yellow, one was blue, one was orange, one was green and one was purple. They were trying to move an enormous boulder. They were having some difficulties. The orange one spoke first. " This is a really heavy boulder. By the way, my name is Orange."
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:58:24 pm
I really like the glossary Charlie! Remember you have to keep it to near 100 words...it is part of the challenge to make each word earn its place on the page!
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bradley
11/10/2019 03:40:46 pm
A boy was walking through a spooky forest and he spotted an orange rolling along the path. The forest was very dark and murky, the boy went to pick up the orange and a nasty bite came from the orange. The orange spoke first but the boy couldn't understand what he was saying.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:56:27 pm
Brad, this is a great piece of writing. Really well thought through! Keep it up.
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George
11/10/2019 05:47:14 pm
Halloween,
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Mr. Tomkins
11/10/2019 05:55:50 pm
I really like the 'verse-like' approach you've taken to the 100WC George. Really inspiring and different! Well done.
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