Try to think about sentence openers this week.
Think DAD, where your sentence starts with a descriptive word, then an action word and then have some dialogue... Can you see it in my example below: Lonely and isolated, the boy could only stare to the sky. Thinking hard about his life, a tear ran down his face. “Oi! Flat-Head! Guess who is it poking you in the chest!” cruel children would say as he walked around oblivious to anything that was happening below his head. Depressing thoughts filled his mind; he knew that his family loved him but more than anything, he just wanted a single friend. Struck by a thought, he pondered over to the place he felt most comfortable – the forest, where he could hear the birds singing and the wind blowing. “Hi friend…” said a warm voice.
36 Comments
Adam
10/9/2019 04:06:00 pm
Sad and depressed,the sad friendly giant (sfg) stood on his green spot where he watches cars go by.One ordinary day a boy came along to the SFG's spot and said ''Hi my name is Kevin '' ,in a couple of minutes they were friends and the SFG became happier and changed his name to HFG (happy friendly giant) . The HFG took Kevin to his cave in an abannoned parking centre it was a big house with alot of broken cars he found on the smooth road . Kevin liked what he has made out of it and altogether there were 8 cars in his house . Kevin tol the HFG that he was going to another house in poland and said that he had been learning whilst he was not at the HFG's house.When Kevin left the HFG decided that he was going to Japan to watch volcanoes explode but unfortunately the airline said he was to big to go in a airplane so he decided to go on his feet.It took a long time to walk to Japan but when he got there he was filled with delight also he felt lucky because the volcano was about to errupt but then the volcano made a too big errupt and the HFG got lava on him and he flew back to his spot where he watched the cars fly past him and he tured into rock standing with his head up going to heaven!
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 12:54:41 pm
Quite an emotional read Adam. Try to think DAD with your sentence openers. Good effort.
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Adam
10/13/2019 11:31:04 am
I did 245 words !
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ben l
10/9/2019 05:01:03 pm
Sad and lonely, the man stared at the sky, because it was the only thing he could do.''Oi flat head, guess who stood on your foot,'' children said to him as he walked past. One night a tear rolled down his cheek why did he have to stare at the sky all the time so he went to his safe place the forest after a few minutes of looking at the stars he felt a lite tap on the back,'' hi friend ,'' award happy voice said.
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 12:55:24 pm
Well done Ben - see if you can get any ideas from all the great books you read too!
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Emma
10/9/2019 05:28:54 pm
Sneakily the giant ,who was always being nosy, looked in at the local residents houses.thoughtful about which building he was going to look in next he started staring at a little boy strolling past .”Hey you”,shouted his mum to the giant!”Stop being so nosy to everyone!”Quickly, she ran off to the menacing witch to serve that giant right . Alarmed at first, when the creepy witch flew round his head he immediately left into the air but then he stared for ages at the witch and seeing her every move.”Stop being nosy ,” said the witch but he just didn’t.The witch put a curse on him so he had to look up . Oh dear he thought...
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 12:59:47 pm
I enjoyed reading this Emma - we are really developing our writing skills well. Remember to check your tenses as I think you might switch between past and present? Well done.
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Ruby
10/9/2019 07:02:14 pm
This day somehow had a foreboding feel to it. Suddenly, CRASH! “Hello, hello, can you hear me?” came a calm voice. A poor, young boy had been at the centre of a horrific car accident. In a split second, his world turned upside down. “Can you put your neck flat for me please?” came a soothing voice. The ambulance, which was hurtling at top speed, rushed to the hospital. His life was ebbing away! “Vital signs poor, blood pressure 200 over 98, neck trauma and suspected blow to the head,” the paramedic radioed ahead to the expectant A+E team.
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 01:01:45 pm
Some very interesting vocabulary choices Ruby - this really is an engaging piece of writing. Well done. It's up on 100WC.
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Patricia
10/10/2019 04:35:55 pm
"the stars are alluring tonight,right?"asked a friendly voice. A man with his head scrutinized up at the shinning stars ,answered with a non-comittial yes . "If you look closely you can see Jupiter ,"said the voice again .
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:14:16 am
What great vocabulary choices you have gone with Patricia! And great use of personification! You are definitely heading in the right direction! Well done!
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Oscar
10/10/2019 05:42:56 pm
One day, the sad and lonely man who didn’t have any friends was sat down looking at the sky as he always did because his face was stuck glaring upwards towards the sky.He was also quite tall, his dream was to one day have a friend that he could play with. One day he was going on a stroll when suddenly he bumped into a tree ,because he wasn’t looking where he was going, this caused him to fall over. Whilst he was on the ground a warm friendly voice came up to him and asked if he was alright, then said the one thing that the tall man had always wanted “do you want to be friends?”
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 01:05:40 pm
I really enjoyed reading that Oscar - thank you. Think about DAD more - we will work on this in class too - to help open your sentences in a stronger way. Well done.
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Charlie
10/10/2019 05:45:01 pm
In the midst, a lone figure was standing in the middle of a round about . It stood for many, many years. One day, there was a terrible storm and it was struck by lighting and it came to life. It started by walking then, talking then, it said "why is my face always pointing at the sky?" It was indeed pointing at the sky and couldn't look down. He walked off the circle and he ran away to hospital and soon he recovered from this strange state and he could look down. "That's better." He said
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 01:07:23 pm
A really nice read Charlie - try to remember that you don't need to write a whole story in these 100 words...the ending feels slightly rushed (because of the word count) and perhaps you could just finish it differently. We will talk about it more in class. Well done.
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Joe
10/10/2019 06:31:27 pm
John, who was a incredibly tall person, woke up one day he threw on his oversized clothes and walked out of the colossal door just skimming his head across the top of the door frame .He was going to the shops but he had a worry in his stomach( what if he couldn’t fit through the door) . When he arrived there he realised that the shop wasn’t there he looked high and low but still couldn’t find the shop .One day, he spotted a sign saying “rebuilding the shop and this time it will have a bigger door” . The month after that it was finally built but this time he didn’t have that worry he was perfectly fine.
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 01:09:33 pm
What a relief for John! Well written Joe - remember to think DAD - we will work on this in class again together.
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Mr. Tomkins
10/11/2019 01:09:55 pm
All of the above are now on 100WC.net - well done everyone!
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Poppy
10/11/2019 10:47:46 pm
Sadly, a tear ran down the incredibly tall mans face,
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:15:20 am
A very nice emotive piece Poppy - well written! Good use of speech marks too. Sometimes speech can be over used but I think you got it right to tell your message.
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Liliah
10/12/2019 11:17:00 am
He stood, head high, in the misty gloom of Halloween. He was alone. Trembling in the cold, he clutched his trick-or-treat-basket and hauled himself through the gateway of his crooked house. Crys of death stormed across the streets of the village. He gulped. Despite his nerves, his curiosity got the best of him as his eyes met a strange figure in the distance. "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:16:31 am
Superb writing Liliah. This has a really nice feel and tone to it - multiple cries is spelt with an 'ie' and not a 'y'. Really impressed though! :-)
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Maisie
10/12/2019 11:48:18 am
It was a gloomy winters day and Elle the giant was inside her house warming herself by the fire.”oh how l wish l had a friend to talk to.”she whispers to herself as the fire spat out ash. Suddenly there came a knock at the door.” Anyone in there?” came a warm and welcoming voice. Elle slowly walked towards the door and opened it with a creak.She was amazed at what she saw a tall mid aged girl appeared in the mist.”Sorry miss but it’s very cold out hear and l wondered if l could come and warm up in your house till the storm dies down?”
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:17:58 am
Great attempt Maisie! Make sure you stay consistent with your tense - sometimes you are in the present and sometimes you are in the past. Really like the vocabulary choices and attempt at dialogue too.
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Mattie
10/12/2019 11:48:19 am
Once there was a young man ,who was a giant , that was 123feet tall . He was sad of how tall he is . One day he was taking a sad and isolated stroll the forest when he desired to sit down all the happy/normal sized people thought they were having a EATH QUAKE! All of a sudden he heard strange noise calling him ,he stood up at once and looked to the sky .The strange noise said “Hello I’m GOD I have been watching you-these last past days ,come on why don’t you tell me why you are
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:19:18 am
An emotional piece Mattie - great attempt. Try to get in the habit of proof reading and reading it to someone else out loud - that way you can pick up any small grammar mistakes that you might have made. Good effort.
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Flora
10/12/2019 03:41:53 pm
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:26:47 am
Great theme and effort and Flora. I like the way you have taken your own approach to this and you have been successful. Good vocabulary choices too. Well done.
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Joshua Dodd
10/13/2019 10:01:27 am
In central park of Birmingham, Leon (as you knew he was a professional cyclist) looked at the statue in the centre. It was someone's posterior (sware on your granny's life that you won't look it up in a dictionary). Leon knew there was lots of people who didn't like it he went up to a passing lady and said "Do you think the statue is innapropriate?
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:28:55 am
This really made me laugh Josh! Well done - a really good read. Just check tenses and sentence structure before submitting it next time as there are a few small grammar mistakes but it's a really great piece of writing!
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Liliah
10/13/2019 11:54:12 am
Anyone seen mine - I cant find it🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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Liliah
11/8/2019 07:45:46 pm
Found it😳😳😳😳😳
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Bradley
10/13/2019 02:28:17 pm
A lonely giant was all a lone the people disliked him because he was ugly, but some people liked the giant statue. His slanted head lent back like he had broken it. He shamelessly looked deep into the sky. Trees surrounded him on a summery day.
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:30:15 am
I REALLY like this Brad - it is short yet powerful. Well done and good vocabulary choices.
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Mackenzie
10/13/2019 09:06:25 pm
Paul who was walking through the park all relaxed when a giant statue scared the living daylight out of me.He fell to the floor panting. He looked up and up and up until he could see the whole thing. He wondered what in the world was that. It was some silver tall figure In the middle of a park. It had huge feet but sticks for legs and a torso the size of a football pitch. It’s head was tilted back so much it looked like it had no bones and that it was just meat, flesh and skin
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Mr. Tomkins
10/14/2019 08:31:32 am
Nicely written Mackenzie! The first sentence changes from third to first person very quickly, which might need looking at. Next time think about your sentence openers and DAD. Good effort.
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