We have 5 words for you this week & I have no idea how you will get them all into one piece of writing! Don’t forget – they must all be included but they can be in any order. They are:
VIOLIN ELEPHANT PURPLE HAPPY PAINTED FOCUS ON DIFFERENT SENTENCE LENGTHS AND USE OF COMMAS.
31 Comments
Liliah
11/26/2019 07:56:24 am
MR TOMKINS! I GOT SHOWCASE WINNER ON THE 'RED' WEEK FOR 100WC!🤗
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:07:53 pm
Well done Liliah! That's great news!
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Adam
11/26/2019 03:48:14 pm
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:07:37 pm
Some nice writing - try to think about sentence lengths though!
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Mackenzie
11/27/2019 03:56:36 pm
Once upon a time, there lived a zoo keeper who worked at a zoo however this zoo was no ordinary zoo. He arrived at there and his boss said to him "Jonah you need to paint the Elephant enclosure." Jonah went to go to the Elephant enclosure with a miserable walk. When he walked in a played a smoothing violin tune that sent the big clumsy purple Elephant to a magical trance. He painted the walls a light shade of terracotta and he quietly made his way out before the beast awoken from its trance. Jonah then got a promotion for being amazing fiends with the animals and he was filled with joy and was really happy.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:09:07 pm
Nice writing Mack. Remember to vary your sentence lengths and your punctuation before speech marks.
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chelsea
11/27/2019 04:13:37 pm
One dark warm day, There was a purple elephant. A very happy elephant, he elephant wanted to go find some were to do his painting and after that go play his violin at music class. after he had painted his beauiful picture he went to his violin class he played the song dance monkeys witch has been out since
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:10:44 pm
Try to be more descriptive with your writing Chelsea - you can do it!
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chelsea
11/27/2019 09:05:34 pm
okay i can do it i can/
Ruby
11/27/2019 06:49:33 pm
There was once a violin; a special one. This particular violin was purple painted with a beautiful elephant intricately carved on the inside. This was Connie’s lucky charm and whenever she looked at it, it made her happy and more confident. This violin had been handed down through many generations of Connie’s family, but this was all about to change.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:11:29 pm
Nice writing Ruby - this is a really engaging piece.
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Tabatha
11/27/2019 07:28:09 pm
There was a girl called Sophie, she lived with her Mum. Her Dad used to play the violin, the last time she saw him was before he went looking for a fascinating animal. He painted lots of interesting things. Then he went to find something amazing. When she said her last good bye she cried and wanted to go with him. She dreamed of a happy, purple elephant. Then one day she climbed out of her window and went to the forest to find her Dad. On the way she saw the strangest things, she saw: a pink panda, a stripy blue jaguar and a happy purple elephant, it was a dream come true. She asked them for a ride and they all said yes so she floated up on to the elephants back. Then she saw something. It was... Sophie's Dad! Sophie's Dad jumped on the jaguar and they galloped together on the jaguar and the elephant. They got home just before tea. They had noodles and chicken balls. Then she told them everything.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:12:19 pm
Nice writing and use of different punctuation Tabby. Well done!
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Daisy
11/27/2019 07:40:08 pm
A poem about a very humorous girl!
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Mr. Tomkins
11/27/2019 08:13:21 pm
This is quite amusing Daisy! Good attempt at different sentence lengths too.
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Patricia
11/28/2019 04:05:48 pm
The violin was gently playing in the wind. There were no people outside , just the trees dancing on the violin's tune.round the corner of one street I saw : a cat playing the instrument that, produced amazing music , he was standing as still as a ruler ; next to him was an purple elephant dancing to the rythm .
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Mr. Tomkins
11/28/2019 07:25:26 pm
Good attempt Patricia. Try not to mix colons and semi colons within the same sentence. I like the effort though.
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Joe
11/28/2019 04:05:55 pm
One sunny day, Adam was taking a stroll down the cobbled streets . He felt happy .The shops were painted purple as he continued on he could hear a demonic laugh, but couldn’t make out what it was he looked up and down the alleyways and streets but he couldn’t see anything. Adam grew a bit more apprehensive and anxious he to run he looked back with hesitation.Then all of a sudden he saw a grey blob his eye site was blurry so he couldn’t make out what it was . He walked closer ,his heart was in his mouth. He couldn’t believe what he could see - it was an elephant playing the violin.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/28/2019 07:27:52 pm
Your ending is clear Joe - make sure you re-read your work before submitting it as there is a part in the middle which is difficult to understand.
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ben l
11/28/2019 04:44:52 pm
I once had a pet elephant and her name was polly. She lived under my treehouse with her purple teddy.Every day I would feed her 4 corn on the cobs because she was never hungry. One morning i bought a violin and played it to her every night. a few months later i painted my treehouse so she had to move into the shed it was big enough but not the same.She was sad. But a week later it was finished. She was happy to get back into her old house.One day we got a call saying we can't keep polly and she was sent to the zoo. But every sunday we go visit her in the zoo i'm very happy to see her. but when we leave i'm sad.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/28/2019 07:29:24 pm
Remember to check your writing before submitting it Ben - you have forgotten some capital letters in places which I know you can do!
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MILO
11/28/2019 05:03:27 pm
Once apon a time there lived a bright purple elephant that could play the violin so everyone called him the the violin elephant who was purple happy painted but one week no body saw him but he was in a sercus for every one of his friends to say a massive thank you.
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Mr. Tomkins
11/28/2019 07:31:41 pm
Make sure you're checking your work before submitting it Milo. There's good ideas in here but you're missing some capital letters and some punctuation.
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Flora
11/28/2019 05:59:56 pm
For charity, the elephant would play his violin to public. Many people would shower him in gifts which would please him very much. After a day of work, he would take his savings to his local charity. Today, although he had forgotten, it was his 46th birthday. He hopped out of bed and changed into his purple t-shirt and blue shorts-as usual. Happy that it wasn’t raining, he jogged out of his bungalow and drove off in his car that he had painted himself. He stepped out of his car to the sound of music. He turned around the corner…
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Mr. Tomkins
11/28/2019 07:32:49 pm
A nicely written short narrative Flora - I want to know what is around the corner now...!
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Indiah
11/30/2019 09:52:23 am
I once got a violen that was purple and every time i played it it made me feel so happy because it made a beatiful sound. A few days after i got the violen i decided after all my faviroute couler is purple and my favourite animal is an eliphant . So i might as wel paint one on. So the next day i asked for permission to do that.luckily my parents said it was fine because its my violen, but they did say i would have to do it tommorow because were going shopping . In the morning, i painted an eliphant on it and it looked great!
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Mr. Tomkins
12/2/2019 03:13:15 pm
Good attempt Indiah - remember violin does not have an 'e' in. I can see you've attempted to use commas well too.
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Emma
11/30/2019 10:32:05 am
The girl held in her hands the very violin of her great ,great grandmother. Inscribed on it was a purple elephant with intricate details.Just as she was playing her favourite tune , it fell. She watched it smash as it smothered the floor with splintered wood. A tear rolled down her cheek what had she done. The girl called for her mum but she was just flooded with pure anger and roared as loud as a lion .she thought deeply with all her mind and so painted a picture to make her mum more happy, but nothing could change her mum's sad emotions.
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Mr. Tomkins
12/2/2019 03:14:23 pm
Good writing Emma - remember to check over your work for punctuation as there are a couple of longer sentences in here that could be more powerful if they were short.
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Oscar
11/30/2019 11:56:44 am
Along time ago, there was a little boy called Harry his favorite colour was purple and he loved elephants.One day at his violin class he noticed some sort of parade going on outside he looked closer through the window and saw a colossal grey elaephant with a man riding on its back walking bye. This made Harry happy as he loved elephants so much!
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Mr. Tomkins
12/2/2019 03:15:47 pm
Remember to check your homophones hole=whole bye = by .
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